Thanks so much to the gorgeous Caitlin herself for giving me the floor! As solopreneurs and seriously driven lady bosses, it's pretty easy for us to push our biz to the top of the priority list and let the other stuff slip. You've got big plans for your little blog and visions of big bank accounts and copious amounts of time for your family and your love are forefront of your mind - but your spouse can't see that.
You've spent money on another course that you know will boost your skill set, but they're just seeing dollar signs. You've dropped down to one income so that you can hustle your ass off, but they're not seeing the traction you've assured them will come. You're balls-to-the-wall on a Sunday creating your best content yet, but they're frustrated that you won't get off your damn computer.
It's all for you, darling but-sometimes-clueless spouse of mine! Why can't you get on board with my business goals?
1. Know your why. Know why you get up in the morning, know why you tie your shoes the way you do, know why you breathe… You hear it in the entrepreneur world all the time and I get it, the term is tired. But knowing why you’re getting on the laptop and not getting off with your spouse is your key to getting that point across. You’re sacrificing more than you probably realise while you’re building your empire and if one of them is time with your spouse then prepare for that to come up in a shit storm of ways. If you can say with total confidence that what you’re doing is worth it and WHY it’s so important then you’re one step ahead.
2. Recognise your spouse’s values. Everyone loves differently and needs their cup filled with different juice. There are a ton of names for it and I just happen to call it Heart Speak - essentially, its how you love. Knowing how you love and how your spouse loves is such a freaking big deal. You can have anything in the bag with this little nugget of wisdom. In trying to get your spouse on board with your business goals, you'll want to concentrate on their Heart Speak.
To work it out is simpler than you might think.
- take note of how your partner spends their time and the hobbies or activities they prioritise.
- observe their interactions with you, even the ones that you don't resonate with (it might be their own loving coming through as a default!)
- check out any words or phrases that pop up commonly and keep them in your back pocket.
3. Fit it all together. When you next have the usually-awkward chat about when the money is going to start paying for all those courses you're signed up to, use what you now know.
Instead of: "I'm doing this for our family!" try "I'm doing this so that the extra income I'm bringing in will let you drop a day at work. You'll be able to go surfing in the morning without rushing for work. Won't that be rad?"
You'll insert whatever knowledge you've gathered to make sure the message you're sending to your spouse is getting heard in the right language, pushing the right buttons.
I can't tell you that after one conversation your spouse is going to be drafting your emails or sharing every one of your Facebook posts, but you need to stick to this, babe. Mindset shifts take time, but if you're tailing that message to their needs as well as yours you will make waves, I promise.
Jess is an Australian born and bred relationship guru for entrepreneur and career women who are balancing the building of their empire and the connection with their spouse. She helps you tweak the good to make it amazing through Heart Speak and simple, powerful twists in thinking. Jess’ own relationship shift was the catalyst for her business and she uses what she knows to completely transform other couples’ relationships. Her self-paced program Relationship Rebalance (http://bit.ly/relationship-rebalance) covers it all. You can find her sassiest, juiciest stuff at thefirestokers.com and connect with her on Facebook.